Quilting Fractals At Will’s Pub

Will’s Pub is having its second Ladies’ Night on Monday, January 9th. Starting at 8pm. There will be a free keg provided by Terrapin and a lesson on fractal stitches. So, if you’re hoping to learn a new stitch or two, please bring a scrap of fabric and a needle and thread.

Eventually The Goal is:
To learn new stitches, and form a cohesive group of females that meets consistently enough to create a quilt. A quilt, hopefully, loosely based on the concept of quasi-self-similar fractals:

A fractal has been defined as ‘a rough or fragmented geometric shape that can be split into parts, each of which is (at least approximately) a reduced-size copy of the whole. Quasi-self-similar fractals contain small copies of the entire fractal in distorted and degenerate forms… The satellites are approximations of the entire set, but not exact copies.’
Come join us in making a distorted or degenerate form!


  • You might want to consider bringing an embroidery hoop, so that your fabric is taut while you are stitching, and you can stitch more evenly. (These are between $2-$5 at JoAnns or Michaels)
  • It’s best if the color of your thread contrasts with your fabric, so if you have a dark fabric, choose a light thread color and vice versa.
  • Try to stay away from decorative threads for your first time. They’re usually not as strong, and you don’t want the thread snapping on you while you’re learning!

Why Chelsey Shouldn’t Work on New Year’s Eve

There are a lot of reasons why Chelsey shouldn’t work on New Year’s Eve. These are only some of them.

  • Waiting til midnight is more fun than waiting til your shift ends.
  • Getting drunk on the clock is fun but getting drunk with Ashley is more fun.
  • Everyone will like you better. Not just Ashley.
  • You won’t have to take the trash out even once.
  • Dudes will still hit on you, but they’ll have to find you first.
  • Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

And now, here is some important information to consider before you mate on New Year’s Eve.

Horseshoe crabs may be unevolved as they come, but they must be doing something right.

When mating, male horseshoe crabs gather along the ocean’s shore, waiting for female crabs to show up. Using the gloves they keep on their front legs, the male hangs on for dear life to the female’s shell while she pulls him up the beach like the laziest little good-for-nothing. (People don’t have gloves on their front legs; use a condom)

Except, he is good for something, I guess, because along the way, the female deposits eggs in holes she digs (while still dragging her dude), and when he is dragged over them, he fertilizes them. (Easiest job ever.)

Once this is finished, the tide comes in, and the waves bury the spawn in sand to be forgotten until they become self aware enough to be dragged around or to find a dude of their own to drag.

A Bone to Pick

Fluffy cute ain’t got shit to do with my fascination with animals. It’s really how they’re put together that I obsess over. I’m talking about structure, which like most people, is something I badly need and constantly seek in my life. Only I do it literally in the sense that I enjoy discovering skeletons that allow me to cast a slightly darkened eye on an animal’s form and really understand and appreciate its frailty.

I found this lizard one winter just when basketball season was starting when my buddy came over to watch a game, and I wanted him to grill me a pizza. (He made the best margherita pizza of my life.) I hadn’t touched the grill in years, and when I opened it, I found this guy:

He’d lived out the rest of his life stuck to that grill, and I had to pry him off of it. His tiny digits were charred to the grates, cooked alive in a situation I can’t help but feel he could have escaped if he’d wanted to. As if I am one to talk on that subject matter.

Today, I took in an abandoned housecat that was malnourished, filthy and flea-ridden. Washing him, I felt his spine, and he responded by arching his back to meet my palm fully. Those facet joints I felt directly below his matted fur caused me to recoil, but I kept petting him anyway.

Orange You Glad This is Happening

March 8-11, 2012 Orange You Glad music festival is happening. And it’s super exciting, because it’s a tiny adventure traversing venues most honestly representative of Orlando, with the local talent to match. Adding to Orlando’s inherent eclectic, the following bands will be coming from the west, the east, in between, above and below: cults, tennis, everything is terrible, moodrings, etc.